Principle #1: Make others feel heard
Help people heal by hearing them
I went to design school so my first love is art. I was recently down a very deep YouTube rabbit hole and came across a recording of Marina Abramovic’s 2010 exhibit at the MoMa.
In her exhibit she sat across from strangers in complete silence. The impact the experience had on the participants varied. Some were confused. A few wept. Most looked extremely uncomfortable.
After an hour or so of YouTube videos I couldn’t shake the feeling that most participants were uncomfortable because they were experiencing a connection unlike anything they previously had. They were sitting across from a person that was giving them their unwavering attention.
Most conversations are transactional. Whether it be obvious or not, most conversations are about getting or requesting something. I’ve been guilty of this too many times. Life is pretty fast paced these days and communication can sometimes only last as long as a coffee or a commute. Reflecting on this a bit, I can only remember two or three conversations in the last couple of years that truly impacted me. Thinking about those conversations more, the reason they were so special was because I experienced something similar to what the participants of Abramovic’s show must have felt: I was given someone’s complete attention and felt heard by them.
I began to ask myself why I couldn’t show up to those around me each day in a similar way. If that were to be true, what would my guiding principle have to be?
In 2020 I’m committing to a very simple principle: hear every word. I want to ensure that I tune into every word spoken to me. I want to hear not only the words but how they are communicated. I want to hear and “see” every layer of communication sent my way so that I can tune into what a person is really trying to communicate.
The impact feeling heard can have is profound. I believe when someone feels heard they can begin to heal. When you feel heard you feel like someone understands you. They understand a situation or emotion you felt was totally singularly yours and you feel less alone. The exhibit participants that cried in complete silence is proof of this. Even in a world full of micro-interactions we can feel alone and I’m wagering that feeling heard is the antidote.
My foundational principle is now “Make others feel heard”. I hope feeling heard can help those around me begin to heal. Perhaps I’m exaggerating the impact this principle can have. I’m excited to find out.
